oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
