Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
