Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
