Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
