Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
