***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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