you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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