U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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