she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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