I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
