he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
