I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
