For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My bed smells like the plague
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