Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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