i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
