this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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