u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
