You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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