He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
