$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
