Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
