HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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