The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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