Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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