Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
