Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
