you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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