Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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