dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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