i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
