He asked to "fluff my boner.."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
