I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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