from now on my penis is your penis
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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