help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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