Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.