Will you blow on my dice?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.