I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
