Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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