I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
