At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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