I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
