I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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