I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
