You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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