Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
