Welp...herpes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize