i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was like eating out sand paper
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
