Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
