i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
