First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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