he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
