idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
