Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
