Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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