she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
