Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
