I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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