making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
