? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
