sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
