glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
