Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
