well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize