I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
