How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
