Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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