Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
