I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
