So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
