i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
