So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
