he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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