If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
