apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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