I'm so fucking centered right now
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
