is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
