you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
