I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to sanitize my soul.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
