we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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